It’s fairly common to be unsatisfied with your current situation in life. Maybe you are happy with your relationship but your job is making you miserable. Maybe you just keep going in circles and you can’t seem to break out of your rut. Either way, change often takes time. However, it all begins with that first step, and here are a few first steps that will show a little bit of improvement immediately. 1.) Let go of the past.
As wise Rafiki says in The Lion King,
“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the from way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it
.” And even though our lives are not lived through animation, the lesson holds up just the same. The past is the past, and dwelling on it isn’t going to solve anything. Learn what you can from it and then let it go. 2.) Cut out people that hurt you.
If you have a relationship that is causing you grief, end it. Just because someone was your best friend in 4th grade or is related to you by blood does not mean you have to keep them in your life. The only people you should have time for are the ones that treat you with respect and dignity and support you when you need it. 3.) Stand up for yourself.
If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will? If you feel you are being disrespected in some way, say something. Allowing yourself to be a doormat certainly doesn’t feel good, and the second you stop being one you’ll realize how amazing it feels to be treated with respect. 4.) De-clutter your mind.
Have something that’s weighing on your mind? Take care of it! Maybe it’s a huge presentation you feel unprepared for; stop putting it off and prepare for it! Maybe you are avoiding talking to your child’s math teacher for whatever reason; get over it and stop by the school after work! All of those tiny little to-do tasks add up, and it can cause you some serious stress. Bear down and take care of as many of them as you can and you’d be surprised at how amazing you feel knowing all of those little tasks are completed. 5.) Appreciate how far you’ve come. Goals we set for ourselves
often take a long time to achieve, so it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated about halfway through when you feel like you haven’t made any progress
. Chances are though, you have
made some progress, you just haven’t stopped to realize it yet. Do you have a goal to lose 20 pounds and you’ve lost 12 so far? Good for you, that’s a big deal! So take a second and think about what you’re trying to accomplish and how far you’ve come toward that particular goal
Ah yes, our passion. At times it can be so elusive, and vague comments from others (“Well, just pick something you like and do that.”) are virtually useless. So here are a few inspirational points that might help you get on the right path. 1.) Often people attempt to live their lives backwards. They try to acquire more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. 2.) Don’t be normal. Sadly, normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you financed, in order to get to the job that you don’t really like, but that you need, to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. 3.) If you are passionate about it, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved. 4.) Live by choice, not by chance. Make changes, not excuses. Be motivated, not manipulated. Work to excel, not compete. Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else. 5.) When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for. 6.) It’s not about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Sometimes you just have to go for it. 7.) Nothing you have that much passion for is ever a waste of time, no matter how it turns out in the long-term. 8.) Life is short. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now. 9.) A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write. This concept can be universally applied. 10.) There are people who live in a dream world and there are people who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. 11.) If you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. 12.) When we focus on leading a passionate, meaningful life, we are also inadvertently creating a spectacular ripple effect of inspiration in the lives around us. When one person follows a dream, tries something new, or takes a daring leap, everyone nearby feels their passionate energy; and before too long, they are making their own daring leaps while simultaneously inspiring others.
How many times during the day do you think something to yourself? Probably more than you think. The truth is, you (yes, that person in the mirror) are the biggest influence on how your life
turns out. And if we can’t change our thoughts, we very well can’t change our actions, now can we? So let’s make sure the following thoughts get shut down before they even start. 1.) I can’t/it’s too late/I’m not good enough/it doesn’t matter anyway/what’s the point.
Yes, all of these excuses fall under the same category and all of them are collectively number one on this list for a reason. Don’t sell yourself short
because your mental guestimate of your abilities is inaccurate. You are just as capable and deserving
as anyone else, and it does matter
or you wouldn’t be having this conversation with yourself right now. Your body is an amazing thing; if you want it to stand up, walk across the street and talk to the cute guy in the coffee shop it will do it. The only thing stopping you is your mind. 2.) I don’t have time.
they don’t have time, but then something comes up and they end up making
time. So make time now! Research has shown that the average person can find an extra six hours (six hours!!)
in their day if they were to prioritize
their tasks and work more efficiently. 3.) I’ll do it someday.
Why someday? Putting it off until “someday” conveys the idea that you aren’t able to do it now, and why? Is there really
something standing in your way? Right now, at this very moment, you are the oldest and wisest you have ever been, while at the same time being as young and able as you have ever been. Don’t waste time
dedicating part of your life to “someday.” Do what makes you happy now
. 4.) I could make a fool of myself.
Yes, you could. You could also trip and fall walking through the grocery store, so do you stop going to the store? No! And the reason: because you’ve been to the store and not tripped and fell
enough times that your mind doesn’t recognize it as a realistic threat. There are many opportunities to make a fool of yourself (many of them you are enormously overthinking), but if you avoided all of them you would be a hermit. Live a little bit and let yourself make mistakes. The fear of being a fool is not keeping you from being one; it’s keeping you from living, period. 5.) It didn’t work out the last time. Circumstances change
and people learn, including you. If you let your past determine your future, your future is going to be an exact replica of your past. 6.) Well if so-and-so thinks it’s a good idea…
Honestly, it doesn’t matter what so-and-so thinks! It matters what you
think! Granted, everyone needs a little advice from someone else once in a while, but constantly needing someone else’s opinion causes you to forget to have one of your own. After all, if so-and-so has a different opinion than you, and you always
go with their opinion, what’s the point in even having your own? Do what you want to do
, regardless of what others may think.
Slumps…we all have them. They’re those little sections of life when things just don’t seem to be going right. Maybe you haven’t been to the gym in a month and no matter what you do just don’t feel like going. Maybe you’ve been behind at work lately and you just can’t seem to catch up. Or maybe it’s your mood; maybe no matter what is going on in your life right now you just feel kind of…blah. These are slumps, people, and once you’re in one it can be hard to snap out of it, but it’s definitely not impossible
. Here are some of the best ways to get yourself back on track. 1.) Stop.
More specifically, stop thinking. Stop thinking about what you have to do tomorrow, what you forgot to do today, how your mother-in-law is driving you crazy, how you’ve gained 6 pounds since June when you promised yourself you’d lose 10: just stop.
Whatever you’ve been doing lately hasn’t been working (you are in fact, in a slump), right? Right, so stop and take a deep breath; you are about to change gears
. 2.) Focus.
Find a place where you can sit, with pen and paper, undisturbed for a few minutes and think clearly. That means you step away from any electronic distractions (the television, the computer, your cell phone, etc.) and go somewhere comfortable. And don’t let yourself make excuses; the world is not going to explode if dinner is 30 minutes later than it usually is for the love of God. 3.) Write it down.
Our minds are constantly running
(as you probably already know). Research has shown that when we write down what we are thinking about on paper (how upset we are with a loved one or what we need at the store, for example), our mind can relax a bit knowing it doesn’t need to keep thinking about that information. It’s the same thing that happens when someone gives you their phone number; you repeat it to yourself until you enter it in your phone or write it down. And as soon as you do, you stop thinking about it, right? Problems you are dwelling on work the same way. So take a second and write down what is bothering you. 4.) Refine.
After you write down what is bothering you
(don’t worry if it’s an insanely long list, chances are you’ve needed to get some things out), take a look at what you’ve written. Did you write “Dan won’t fix those shelves I’ve asked him to fix for 2 weeks” and “Dan didn’t pack the kids’ lunches” and “Dan made work plans on our anniversary night” the problem might not be all of those little things. Instead, the problem might be “Dan and I need to communicate better.” 5.) Determine a resolution.
If the problem is that you and Dan need to communicate better. Write down a time that the two of you need to talk, undisturbed. Not while both of you are running to your cars in the morning, not the second he gets home from work. Pick a time when you can both talk. The same goes for other issues. If the problem is that you’re completely overwhelmed at work, think of a way you can take off some of your workload. Is there a fellow employee that can help you out for a bit (they could be in charge of the phone lines for the day while you work, for example)? Can you speak to your boss about getting caught up on your current assignments before taking on any more projects? If you’ve been feeling unmotivated, think of a way to get motivated
. Haven’t gone to the gym in a while? Maybe you need a new pair of running shoes. 6.) Move on.
Once you’ve addressed these issues and understand what you need to do, move on. Get up, make the dinner you’ve been postponing for 30 minutes, and stop thinking about it. Enjoy your dinner, watch some television with Dan, and get some sleep. Tomorrow your slump ends
Are you a procrastinator
? Go ahead, you can answer honestly…
That’s what I thought.
The truth is, procrastinating is an extremely common habit. The stress of something easily makes it seem like putting it off until later is a good idea, but we all know how that ends up. So let’s examine a few ways
to get rid of that procrastinating bug. Not forever, mind you, we are realists, after all. But these tips should get you going in the right direction when you desperately need to focus
. 1.) Really prioritize.
Believe it or not, we all have a limited supply of willpower that gradually drains throughout the day. That’s why you see so many more fast food advertisements at the end of the day than the beginning; because that’s when they’ve been found to be the most effective at convincing people to call the number at the bottom of the screen. Focusing on tasks that need to be completed is no different. Therefore, it’s important to start with the toughest stuff first
, while your willpower is at its maximum.
Plus, then you get to enjoy the wash of relief you often feel after your most stressful task is completed, making the weight on your shoulders feel just a tad bit lighter. 2.) Get rid of distractions.
Distractions are everywhere (as a writer that works from home on a computer hooked up to the internet 24/7, I whole-heartedly understand), but that doesn’t mean you have to give into them. Instead of checking your email every 10 minutes, vow to check it once every 2 hours. Turn your phone on silent, keep the television off and for the love of God stay off the internet.
If you have
to be on the internet or your phone has
to be on, you can still screen what you’re looking at. Facebook is not essential, it can wait, just like that text from your friend wondering if she should wear the black or the red pumps tonight. Those issues aren’t important right now; you have work to do. 3.) Find what motivates you.
It doesn’t have to be much. For example, when I am writing an article and feel myself draining, I’ll suddenly notice that I’m a bit thirsty. Instead of getting up and getting a glass of water, I’ll tell myself I can have one after I write one more paragraph. It’s a tiny thing, but it always works. 4.) Time yourself.
Looking at your workload and thinking, “This will take hours!” will not help you reach your goals. Instead, set a timer for only 10 minutes, and vow to work feverishly straight through those 10 minutes. No excuses whatsoever. Anyone can handle 10 minutes of work, and you’ll often be surprised at how much you can get done
. 5.) Break apart your work.
Tackling one giant task all at once is sure to make anyone shy away, so instead think about what you could realistically do in the next 10, 30, or 60 minutes, then start there. Breaking larger tasks into smaller ones is a clever little way to tricking to the brain into thinking the workload just got a whole lot lighter.
It seems like a cheesy topic, I know, but the fact is many people today still struggle with feeling confident with their actions. Your personal opinion of yourself holds an incredible amount of weight. After all, if perception is reality, low self-confidence is equivalent to shooting yourself in the foot.
So instead of continuously rooting against yourself, apply a few of these tips and see what it would be like to feel unstoppable
. 1.) Dress the part.
Of course no one should judge a book by its cover, and clothes certainly do not make the man, but there is a definite shift that happens when you see yourself for the first time in a striking suit or gorgeous dress. The feeling of “Wow, I look really
good” creates a sense of surprise in the mind, allowing room to think to yourself, “I wonder what else I’ve been holding back
Plus, your reactions to how people treat you are a huge part of your identity.
Changing your clothes changes these reactions. If you want to command respect, you first have to dress like you deserve it. 2.) Work out.
Contrary to your probable initial snap judgement, this has nothing to do with looks (although it certainly doesn’t hurt). Pushing yourself physically is the easiest way to retrain your brain to combat negative self-talk. You’ve run 3 miles and think you can’t take another step? Take another step. There, you’ve already proven that you can do more than you think
Furthermore, naturally puts you in a better mood. Did you know the feeling of finishing a difficult workout is often listed as better
than the feeling provided by anti-depressants? It’s true. So get off the couch and go for a walk, that little boost in your mood will do wonders for your self-confidence.3.) Do something for you.
Since we just discussed a few benefits of exercise, I’ll list one more; it’s good for you. Doing things for you, like engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy or taking a bubble bath once in a while show that you value yourself enough to take care of yourself. 4.) Take risks.
One definition of low self-confidence is always believing you’ll fail at everything you attempt, which can obviously make it pretty difficult to step out on a limb once in a while. However, this is exactly why it is critical to take risks; because you aren’t going to fail
every time. Is there a position at your company you’ve been eyeing but are afraid you’d never get? Apply anyway! Who knows, you might just get the job, and it’s little moments like this that prove that no, in fact, you won’t always fail. 5.) Understand reality.
Low self-confidence has a way of warping reality. If you aren’t getting along with one person, you may exaggerate it to feel that no one likes you. In addition, the idea that people are laughing at you or that someone else is able to do the job
better than you are both examples of a warped reality.
Instead of letting yourself get carried away, stop, breathe and think. Are people really laughing at you? No! The reality is that they've got their own problems to deal with. There is no point in terrifying yourself over something that, realistically, won’t even happen!
Ah, the idea of getting healthy. For so many of us, the phrase, "getting healthy" is really just a simple phrase that we use either A.) Right after we catch our breath after climbing up a rather miniscule flight of stairs, or B.) What we say in a drunken slur four minutes before midnight on December 31. Of course, "getting healthy" tends to be easier said than done; otherwise you would be spending your time doing something other than reading this article, wouldn't you?
So whether you have a goal of quitting smoking, getting more sleep at night, dropping that holiday weight or just laughing more, let's examine the tried and true way of getting it done. 1.) Choose a specific goal.
Make sure you know exactly what you are pursuing. Choosing a goal of "I want to be healthy" won't be doing you any favors. Do you want to want to have a slower body fat percentage? Do you want to reduce the amount of negative self-talk you participate in? Do you want to increase your endurance or strength capabilities? Choosing a specific goal
allows you to outline a plan for accomplishing it. 2.) Research your goal.
The point of this step is to make sure your goal is realistic and, in fact, healthy. Committing to lose 20 pounds in the next two weeks is probably not a very good idea. It's completely unrealistic, and any doctor will tell you that trying to lose more than two pounds a week can be harmful to your health.3.) Write it down.
Research has proven that writing your goal down and keeping it in a place where you see it often (taped to your bathroom mirror, for example) can significantly increase your chances of reaching it. 4.) Set a timeline.
Are you hoping to lose weight for your upcoming wedding? Training for a 10k race coming up in 3 months? Set yourself up with some kind of timeline. This doesn't have to be set in stone, mind you (everything always takes some adjusting as you go), but it will help you to stay motivated as your end date approaches. 5.) Make a plan.
A plan needs to be put in place for two main reasons: 1.) You need a plan to outline what you need to do each day to reach your goal, and 2.) You need to have a way to measure your progress. Creating a step by step plan to reach your health goal will also help things seem less overwhelming and help to keep you on track.
So think about what you're going to do each day to reach your objective
. If you're hoping to fit into your favorite pre-pregnancy pair of jeans before your high school reunion, what do you need to do each day? Perhaps you could start by doing some kind of cardio activity, three days a week, for at least 30 minutes a day. You could also commit to swapping some of your most indulgent foods for lower calorie options (skim milk instead of heavy cream in your morning coffee). And how are you going to measure your progress? Maybe you could weigh yourself or take body measurements once a week.
6.) Make a relapse plan.
This is probably the most important step in your "get healthy" regimen. Understanding that sometimes you will slip up
, and then having a way to get you back on track will make sure you don't fall off the wagon completely. Sure, everyone is going to backslide once in awhile, but that doesn't mean all is lost. A cookie one day does not justify three cookies the next day.
Get the idea? Good, now go for it!